Why Can’t I be Happy too?
I can say with some confidence that’s a question all counsellors spend a lot of time helping people understand. And by understand, I mean by helping them to recognise there are patterns of behaviour and key life events as far back as their childhood that shape and influence a person’s happiness in everyday life.
At a basic level, we know happiness is based on individual experience, there’s no guarantee that something will make you happy because everyone else is doing it. The interesting thing is finding out why, especially if someone is consistently unhappy with their life.
So, if you look around you now and think about how happy the people you know seem to be, you will see it’s deeply subjective and personal because how people relate to things happening in their life is very often dependent on all these individual personal experiences and unique events they have experienced in their formative years: this includes what their home environment and parenting has been like as well as relationships with their own friends or their financial circumstances or even the location they are living in. All of these factors can have a profound effect on how happy or unhappy you find yourself.
This is where I believe professional counselling can have life changing, positive, effects on a person’s ability to attain greater levels of happiness in their life.
At Omega Counselling, we use ‘person centred talking therapies’ to help you understand ‘the why’, to work out what has happened in your life that is preventing you from achieving the level of happiness you expect from your life.
I’ll return to how ‘talking therapy’ can lead you to a greater understanding of why you are unhappy later in this blog. But right now, I want to outline some of the professional aspects and approaches in counselling regarding the psychology of happiness.
The Psychology of Happiness
The psychology of happiness is the academic study of what constitutes and what makes people happy. Although it is sometimes argued it is not strictly a science, it certainly uses recognised scientific methodologies to explore the nature of happiness.
These studies are usually done by conducting specifically designed surveys which help build large statistical models for analysis and interrogation. If you’ve never seen one before, you can see a research example here.
There are roughly 9 or 10 specific disciplines that have been identified by researchers in studying happiness and I will introduce two of them here as I think these areas are complimentary to the talking therapy approach we take at Omega Counselling.
1) Positive Psychology – this is concerned with the positive traits in an individual, their positive emotions and how they intersect with community and institutions. Although it explores both negative and positive emotions it examines how these three factors of individual traits, emotions and community may determine levels of happiness.
We explore these themes too with talking therapy but our focus is with the personal experiences and relationships of the individual client.
2) Subjective Well Being – focuses more on how people themselves are evaluating their life satisfaction (cognitive assessment) and how emotional experiences (affective experience) fit into their levels of happiness.
These themes are also an important part of talking therapy counselling as they form part of the reflective process when exploring a client’s background and life experiences.
In practice, talking therapy inevitably considers these same factors and more but rather than being done and interpreted via a large, anonymised, statistical model, talking therapy examines these issues in 1 to 1 counselling therapy for the direct benefit of the individual in the consultation.
The psychology of happiness is used to create intellectual work that can help describe factors governing happiness on a macro level. So, it’s good at influencing things like policy or improving wider cultural and vocational practices with the aim of increasing happiness and wellbeing in general.
But Omega Counselling is concerned with you, the individual and your own levels of happiness and wellbeing.
We are interested in working through major life events and a person’s upbringing and examining how these factors affect their self-perception and their own agency in the world around them.
Person Centred talking Therapies, Counselling for Happiness
Contrary to the psychology of happiness approach, person centred counselling is about you, the individual, and leading you to a greater understanding of yourself.
We know people can’t be happy all the time and it is a natural process to sometimes feel unhappy or melancholic, this is a normal part of ‘the lived experience’. But being unhappy most of the time or failing to feel happiness and contentment when you expect to experience it is very different to this.
A reoccurring factor I find with my clientele is that they simply aren’t doing the things they want to do or the things they believe will make them happy. There’s something stopping them even though in many cases they know what they want to create a happy life, they just don’t understand how to overcome these emotional, psychological and, sometimes, physical barriers preventing them from achieving it.
Talking therapy works to understand how key events and patterns of behaviour may be preventing you from feeling happy or attainting happiness with the life you are living. By understanding these factors, we can you help you recognise corrosive or negative patterns of behaviour and put in place constructive strategies to promote a happier and more positive life for yourself. Our counselling sessions help you explore the ways in which you can grow and live a life with more purpose and positivity, to take control of your life and live in ways that helps nourish your authentic self.
At Omega Counselling, we know taking this initial step to talk about happiness and why you are unhappy with your life is a difficult first step. But our aim is to provide you with a safe space to start thinking about your childhood, your experiences in your formative years and how you were treated by other people so that we can help guide you to a better understanding of what is holding you back from being happier with your life.
Coming to understand why you feel and act the way you do in certain situations is the first step in understanding what is stopping you from becoming your authentic self and finding personal happiness and contentment. Putting that authentic self first, being true to yourself and making decisions that will nourish you needs to be understood and then practiced and this is part of our person centred philosophy at Omega Counselling.
We want you to have the most positive and fulfilling life you can achieve as we believe everyone deserves a life of self-acceptance, authenticity and happiness.
Before I go, I’m leaving some general ideas and techniques to help you work towards being happier in everyday life.
Rachael Ingram
5 Ways to Help Promote Happiness
1. Be in the moment, recognise when you are happy – it is easy to focus on the negative things happening in your life but remember to practice looking at and acknowledging the things that are making you happy in the moment. It could be something simple like enjoying spring flowers or a snow-capped mountain but make yourself part of the experience and not just a spectator.
2. Be compassionate to yourself – take time to be kind on yourself. Think about the kindness you offer friends and apply this to your own life events and experiences.
3. Block Negative Influences in Your Life – aim to surround yourself with positive people, people that will encourage and nourish you emotionally and psychologically.
4. Do Things You Enjoy – take time to identify what will improve your happiness and start doing them. It could be joining a walking club or dancing class or a book club. But make efforts to do things you want to do instead of things you don’t.
5. Don’t Suffer Alone – we know talking therapy helps people turn their lives around, so find a therapist that you trust and take that first step towards self-improvement and a more positive life.
If you would like to talk to someone at Omega Counselling about therapy, then please get in touch.
Our first therapy session is free.
This means you are not committed to anything long term and you can decide if you and your counsellor will be a good fit together. There is no judgement, you are in control and can stop at any time.
We offer safe, private and quiet spaces for our counselling sessions in the following areas:
Manchester, Greater Manchester, and the surrounding areas of Lancashire in Chorley, Standish and Wigan.